Short post...

Just a quick note to say, "I stayed on track!" I've used 33 of my 37 pts! I didn't get all 8 glasses of water in, but I did get 5. I'm not a good water drinker. It's something I'm working on.

I, also, FINALLY did the 10 min Biggest Loser workout. When I started the tape I thought that I might do it twice, because it is only 10 min. WOW! What a workout. I was sweating like a pig by the end of the 10 min. I only did it once, but I was very proud of the fact that I made it completely through the workout without quitting. Seth did the workout too! I was sooo proud of him.

My plan for tomorrow is to stay within my 37 pts, drink 8 glasses of water, and get some form of exercise in. I'm going yardsaling with my mom and the kids in the morning, so I should get a lot of walking in. If it isn't too hot we may go walk at City Lake.

Have a blessed day!

Jen

Back with a vengance....

I've really been pushing myself this week. At lease, when it comes to exercise. I've done really well with my food the last two days. I've exercised everyday this week, so far. Monday - I did an hour of water aerobics, Tuesday - I did an hour of water aerobics at 1:00 and again at 7:00, Wednesday - I did an hour of Zumba, and tonight I did an hour of water aerobics. Needless to say, I'm exhausted, but in a good way.

The water aerobics are fantastic. If you haven't tried them you should. It is great low impact cardio work. But when you get out of the pool you can tell you have worked every muscle in your body. Not sure how, but you do work up a sweat, even in a cold pool. lol! Hoping to be able to continue with the water aerobics throughout the winter at the local high school. We should find out this week.

Zumba was AMAZING! That is all I keep saying about it. I sweated my butt off! lol! It was hard, but fun. You are doing Latin dancing. It's fast and your hour is up in no time. I'm hoping to find a class that I can attend on a regular basis. The Wednesday night class won't work in a few weeks. We have bible study on Wed at 7:00 and I'm the leader. Soooo, I probably need to be there. lol!

I'm just really amazed that I'm feeling so strong. I've really upped the exercise game and I'm liking it. I want to exercise, and I'm seeking out ways to do it. If I had a pool at my house I would be doing water aerobics twice a day every day! I have FINALLY found a exercise that I love! And it is helping me find more ways to enjoy exercise.

My goal for tomorrow is to stay within my 37 pts, drink 8 glasses of water, and find some form of exercise.

Have a blessed day!
Jen

Scary day!!!

This post has nothing to do with weight lose, it has to do with being grateful. I got a call around 12:30 today letting me know that my husbands work was on FIRE! I'm very glad to say that Kevin is a night shift worker, he works from 10 pm to 6 am. This morning he had to work a 12 hr shift so he didn't get off until 10 am. The fire didn't start until 11:30 am. So, I knew he was home and safe. But it makes you really think about how quickly life can change. It only takes a split second for your life to completely change. We are very lucky that he got to go back to work tonight. I'm not sure of the details yet, but it was a very big fire and the Tell City fire dept are still at the plant making sure that it doesn't reignite. No one was killed or hurt and they are already making iron again. Thank you Lord for watching over all of the men/women at the plant this morning! Here's a pic from the local news:

So, take a minute today and just be thankful for everything you have. Hug your loved ones and thank God for all the blessings He has given you! I know that I am!

Have a blessed day!

Jen

Quick post

Just a quick post to let you know what is going on. We have been hard at work getting Seth's 4-H projects done. I helped him with his photography and fine arts (drawing) projects, Kevin helped him with his wildlife and small engines projects, and Grandpa Jack (my dad) helped him with his woodworking project. To answer your question, yes, I'm crazy to let him do that many things. But all I can say is, that is me. I do everything big! lol! Unfortunately, that includes food. But we are almost done. He and Kevin just have to get one more thing done tomorrow. Of course, we turn in the projects at 5:00 tomorrow night.

We have fair from Thurs-Tues. We are at the fair grounds every day with things to do. Friday, June 25th, Seth turns 11. Shay will be home Tues, June 29th. Hopefully, after that things will SLOW down! I sure hope, I'm ready to enjoy the summer. Please, keep Shay in your prayers, she is still in Paris tomorrow, and then heads to Switzerland. Praying she is having a wonderful, SAFE time!

Have a blessed day!

Jen

Cleaning house...

I have been soooo busy! Shay is leaving for Germany, France, and the Alps for 9 days tomorrow. Seth went to the Respect the Law camp at USI last Thurs, Fri, and Sat. We are, also, working like mad people to get his 4-H projects done by next Thurs. lol! Nothing like waiting til the last minute. I feel like we have been on a whirlwind of events and obligation since the 3rd week of May. But, hopefully, things are going to start slowing back down.

We wanted Shay to get her room COMPLETELY clean before she left. (which if any of you have an 18 yr old with a messy room you now what an undertaking that has been) We pulled everything out of the closet and has went through an purged a LOT of stuff. It has really gotten me in the mood to completely clean house. I'm planning on going through my room and Seth's room this week. I've already started in my living room. I'm ready to have a clutter free life, and that means all of it. I'm ready to get everything in order.

I'm ready to purge myself of everything that is holding me back. So, I'm making a new plan. This plan includes getting rid of anything just lying around collecting dust, paying off bills, getting work done on the house, making a menu, and making an exercise plan. I just want to be more organized. I've made a vow with myself that I'm going to tackle all of this. I can't expect to lose weight and maintain it if the rest of my life is in disarray. Kevin and I are setting down tomorrow night to discuss all of this and make a reasonable plan. I'll let you know how it goes.

I've done really well on the exercise plan this last week. Wednesday I went to the gym, Thurs I worked in the yard with my dear friend Annie for 3 hrs and then did water aerobics for an hour. Friday I worked in the house cleaning, moving furniture, and really got my heart rate up. Yesterday and today I haven't had time to exercise. My plan for tomorrow is to get some walking in and maybe the Biggest Loser workout. (i still haven't done that yet)

Plan for tomorrow: stay within my 37 WW pts, drink 8 glasses of water, walk, exercise, and make a plan with Kevin. A side note: I, also, have to take Shay to the Louisville airport (sending my firstborn to France sniff, sniff) and take Seth to 4-H at 6:00. So, it will be another busy day! lol! But what would life be if it was slow and boring.

Also, I hope you all are as blessed as I am to have a great dad to spend Father's Day with. We took him out to eat after church this morning. It was great spending time with him and mom. I'm very blessed to have the parents that I have. I'm doubly blessed to have a wonderful husband that is a fantastic dad! Love you Kevin and Dad! Thanks for everything you do!

Have a blessed day!
Jen

Focusing on how far I've come...

I've done really well today. I had my meeting with Andrea this morning and it went really well. I told her I would love to have her say "This is why you are fat and you need to do this to fix it". I know that isn't reality, but boy would that help! lol! She tried to get me to see how far I've come and she is right. I've been able to back off on some of my medicines, they've lowered the pressure on my sleep apnea machine, and the biggest is that my level of pain from being over-weight has gone down. That is the biggest one for me. I like that I can do lots more walking before it hurts. The first thought isn't how far will I have to walk anymore, which is a huge step forward. I'm going to try and focus on that and not on the fact that I'm not perfect with my eating all the time.

I got to have lunch with a great friend today at the Patio and then went to Evansville with Mom, Shay and Seth. So, I've had a full day of family and friends. You can't ask for much more than that. Annie and I are weight loss buddies, so lunch was a breeze. I wasn't tempted to cheat at all. I love having great supportive friends. Another friend, Pauline, showed up and the three of us made a plan for water aerobics on Thursday nights. So, that will be three water aerobic session a week! :) It's a butt kicker, but makes you feel wonderful!

My food for the day went like this:

Breakfast - Peanut Butter Sandwich - 3 pts

Lunch - Salad - 3 pts

Chicken Breast - 6 pts

Baked Potato with butter - 4 pts

Supper - Burger King Jr. Whopper w/cheese (no mayo) - 8 pts

Small Fry - 5 pts.

Snacks - Popcorn - 2 pts

100 Cal Cookies - 2 pts.

Grand Total - 33 pts of 37 pts used!

So, I'm 4 pts under today, which is great! Didn't get any exercise in, so, no extra pts earned. As you can see, my nutrition leaves a lot to be desired. That isn't what I'm focusing on at the moment. It's a future goal, but right now I just want to stay on course with my points.

My plan for tomorrow is: stay within the 37 pts, drink 8 glasses of water, and exercise at the gym during lunch.

Have a blessed day!

Jen

Hi, my name's Jenny and I'm a food addict....

That is suppose to be the first step to recovery. At least, that is what I've seen and read. You admit you have a problem and it gets easier to manage. Well, real life isn't like TV or books. I have admitted that I have a problem, but it isn't fixing anything. I have to now use that as a tool to make myself better and not an excuse to eat everything that I see. I feel like sometimes I use the food addiction as a crutch in my own head. I've had a bad day or a good day and I want to eat, in my head I'm waging a war and it's easy to say "I have a problem, it's not my fault" and then just eat. I'm working on it, but my internal dialog has to change. Andrea (my therapist) says that you have to "think about what you are thinking". It's a lot harder than it sounds.

I have been gaining and losing the same 10 pounds since Christmas. I'm tired of it!!!!! I've really started doing well on the physical activity part, but am still struggling with the food. I said I was going to post my food choices, but I still haven't. Mainly, because I'm not writing anything down all day long! :( When I was tracking I lost weight. It's not a magical thing, it's just being aware of what I'm putting in my mouth. So, my goal for tomorrow is to track everything I eat.

I did water aerobics with my friend Annie today, she has come up with a wonderful routine for us. The plan is to do the water aerobics 2 to 3 times a week, and we are going to start going to Zumba twice a week. I know it's going to kick my butt, but I'm really looking forward to it. Have any of you tried it?

OK, my plan for tomorrow is: track ALL my food, get 8 glasses of water in, see Andrea (my cognitive behavioral therapist) and get in my Biggest Loser Workout.

Have a blessed day!
Jen

I Eat 33,000 Calories a day - Lisa Sellers

I can relate so much with her! I have no doubt in my mind that this would have been me in a few short years if I had decided to do something about it! Food is a very hard addiction, because you can't quite eatting you have to learn to control it.

How does this video affect you?

Have a blessed day!

Jen

Thanks Chris!!!

I've been following a blog "A Deliberate Life" and she has some amazing entries, I was getting caught up on her blog and came across one I want to share with you. She has been at this for a year and has lost an amazing amount of weight.

On June 4th she wrote about being "Wholehearted" with her weight loss and it completely inspired me. I've been struggling again, and I really needed this. Thought someone else might needed to hear this too. Enjoy!

chrislivessimple.blogspot.com

Have a blessed day!
Jen

And the hits just keep on a coming!

Well, my wonderful plan for this weekend didn't quite pan out. I didn't eat horribly but I didn't stay on plan either. But I'm back at it and would love to be at 299 by July 31st. That is my new goal. I really hope to smash that goal early, but I think it is a very reasonable goal.

Had a wonderful service at church Sunday. We have a "new" pastor for the next 3 months. Our minister's daughter, Muriel, just graduated from seminary. She is preaching for our church this summer while Chip is teaching at the seminary, going to Niger, and taking a trip with his wife. We will miss them, but it is great to see things through new eyes. Muriel is doing a great job!

To the title of this blog. Work has been very quiet and tense the last week and a half, which just makes me want to eat! I know that I'm filling an emotional problem with the food, but that doesn't make it any easier. I'm a very vocal person and when you only work with one other person and they are being extremely quiet it makes it hard. I really like the lady I work with, but the quiet gets to me. I start feeling like I've done something to upset her. Which I know that she wasn't happy with me last week, but it was unavoidable. I wasn't going to miss Shay's college orientation. Just pray that it gets better again, (Which I know it will, I've been working with her for 4 yrs now) and that I find another way to deal with my emotional stuff other than feeding it.

My plan tomorrow is to track my pts and then post my food choices on this blog. I think it will help keep me on track better. As for exercise, I'm going to do the Biggest Loser Workout again and maybe walk tomorrow evening if it is cool enough.

Have a blessed day!
Jen

Skillet - "Monster"

Proud Momma!

I just want to say how proud I am of Shay. Let me clarify, I'm proud of both my kids, but today was Shay's day, lol! We had Orientation at USI and she auditioned for the choir. USI has two choirs; one is the Chamber Choir, they only admit 25 to 40 people and they perform all over the US and Canada, they, also, travel over seas,too. Last year they were in Ireland. The other choir is the Women's Choir. Well, Shay not only got into one of the choirs, but she was asked to be in BOTH!!!! She has an amazing gift from God!

Didn't stay on track with my food today. It was very hard not being at home to make the meals. We left at 6:00 am and didn't get home until 4:30. Then I immediately left again. lol! But I got A LOT of walking in. So, back to it tomorrow. The next 2 days are going to be hard food days, but I'm making a plan now to help make it not as stressful.

Some of you know that I'm a serious metal head when it comes to my music. Don't get me wrong, I love almost all music, but I LOVE metal and hard rock. I've been trying to find a christian alternative to this and was very pleased to find Skillet last week. We already listen to Flyleaf, but it is hard to find a truly metal christian band. At least, it has been for us. So, I'm listening to the CD and one of the songs really, really stood out to me. It's called Monster and it described exactly how I feel when the "Beast" shows up. It put to music how I've felt about my weight, lack of control, and complete addiction. Right now I'm in a really good place and haven't had to deal with the "Beast" since my candy bar incident, but it does feel like it looms right under my skin. I'm going to try and post the video off of YouTube.

My plan for tomorrow is to eat a healthy breakfast before I head to the food sell at the auction. (The woman's guild at my church is doing a food stand at an auction. I just know there won't be anything healthy to eat. lol!) Eat a good lunch at home before heading to a friend's birthday party and eating a healthy snack before heading to the graduation party. See what I mean about tough food day! lol! I'm going to try and get in my Biggest Loser workout, also.

Have a blessed day!
Jen

I'm back!!!

The last few weeks have been EXTREMELY busy! Something had to give and it was the blog. Just not enough hours in the day. I gave myself a break from the pressure of watching every bite that went into my mouth last week and it helped. I'm not saying it was the best idea for lossing weight, but it kept me from bingeing. I don't weigh until tomorrow, but I'm guessing that I'm up a pound or two. Not great, but with me it could have been a WHOLE lot worse. I've gained 8 pounds in one week before, because of The Beast!

I'd like to thank you all for the kind comments and encouragement you gave me. It meant a lot. Thanks, Lis, for ALWAYS being there for me! Elisa is "one of my girls". lol! My core group that keeps me sane.

As I promised a few blogs ago I have some pics to share with you all. Here we go!

This is the Tri-Poster we made for the choir concert.

This is Shay's Baccalaurette Service. She is giving her reading and then with friends after.


This is Shay with her Outstanding Musician award for choir. Sorry it's sideways. Can't figure out how to edit the photo once it's on the blog.

This is the four of us after graduation! So proud of our Shay!

Well, me plan for tomorrow is to stay within 37 pts and try to get some exercise in. I have to get back on track with the exercise. I'm having a lot of knee issues, but I have to find something to do.

Have a blessed day!
Jen

Will this ever get any easier?????

UGH!!!! That is all I have to say about food today. I have been fighting the beast all day. I have been very stressed, not always in the best mood, and Saturday realized that you can never go home again. (more on that in a moment) Of course, my way of dealing with anything is to eat. That beast starts whispering in my ear about how good eatting will make me feel. I fought it off ALMOST all day. I even did well at the choir banquet tonight, then I got home and Shay's candy bars were staring me in the face. I completely caved and it turned into an all out binge. I eat FIVE candy bars, how awful and gross is that!!!! The worst part is that while I was eatting them I felt complete relief. It makes me want to cry. I now feel sick that I let the beast take over, but I can't take it back. I have an appt with Andrea (my congenitive behaviourial therapist) tomorrow, and hopefully she will be able to help. I don't know what else to do.

Back to the "you can never go home" comment. We went to two graduation parties this last weekend in our old hometown and it was very strange. These were our very close friends and it wasn't comfortable. We are all different now and conversation felt very forced. I was glad to see everyone, but it was sad to see that we didn't have much to talk about anymore. Kind of broke my heart. I already knew that I was very happy living in Lamar, but this last weekend just strengthened my love for the place.

Ok, to some happy notes. Today was Shay's Senior Choir Banquet. She received several awards. (I'll try and post a pic tomorrow) But the best award she received tonight was Outstanding Musician. We are soooo proud of her!!! She sang her Senior Solo and just about brought the house down! She did a wonderful job! Love you Shay!

So, my plan for tomorrow is to see Andrea, stay within my 37 pts, and walk at the mall with Kevin. It has almost gotten too hot to walk outside.

Have a blessed day!

Jen

5 graduation partys in 2 day!!!

Just a short note....

It's been a rough weekend food wise. Tooo many parties!!!! I'm back on the wagon as of tomorrow. Have no idea how many pts I've had in the last two days and didn't have time for any walking either.

On an up note, Shay's Baccalaureate service was fantastic. She did one of the readings and the choir sang. Our minister and his daughter has the message. I'll post pics later.

Hope everyone had a great weekend and has a blessed day!
Jen

1.6

I lost 1.6 pounds this week! It's not a huge number, but at least it is a loss. It's been a very busy, and stressful week. The beast likes to sneak up on me when I'm stressed. All I want to do is eat. So, any loss is great. I've been struggling ALL DAY trying not to overeat. Then my daughter brings home candy bars from school to sell. So, of course, that is all I've been thinking about. I've done well so far, pray that I can withstand the temptation.

Walked with Jeannie yesterday for 35 minutes and did well. I'm still having problems with my left calf muscle, but I'm working through it. Today I walked with Mary Beth. We were only able to walk for 20 min, but it was suppose to be a rest day, so any walking was above and beyond what I was suppose to do, lol!

Tonight we went to our niece, Ashley's, high school graduation. It just blows my mind that the girls are graduating. Ashley is 20 days younger than Shay. Last night was Shay's last high school choir show. Trying to concentrate on the begin of a new stage in life and less on the ending of her childhood. It's tough for a mom, and my instinct is to stuff these feelings with food. This week will be a test of my ability to deal with my emotions and not eat them. Shay graduates next Sat afternoon, so the next week is going to be extremely busy, and full of food. We have 4 graduation parties tomorrow alone! lol! Then another one on Sunday. Going to do my level best to make good food choices.

My plan for tomorrow is to stay within my 37 points, drink 6 glasses of water, and walk for 35 minutes. We are going with mom in the morning to take flowers to the cemetery's and then to visit my Aunt Kathryn. We would appreciate your prayers for her, so is having some health problems. She 73 yrs young and an amazing woman! After that, it's off to party, party, party, party! lol!

Have a blessed day!

Jen

Busy, Busy, Busy!!!!

This is going to be very short. Just wanted to touch base and say that all is well right now. Haven't journaled my food in the last few days, but I think I've done really well. I've been very aware of what I'm eatting. I have gotten 6 glasses of water in the last few days and I have a plan to walk again tomorrow with Jeannie.

This week and next are extremely busy with Shay graduating on May 29th. It's 11:00 pm right now and we just got done putting her tri-fold poster for choir together. I'll take a pic and post it soon. It turned out really well.

I posted a new pic of myself at 322, 50 pounds lighter in the same outfit as before. Let me know if you can tell any difference. Weigh in is tomorrow, so I'll update my status then. I'm extremely exhausted. Heading to bed!!!!

Have a blessed day!
Jen

5K Frustration....

Had a good day. Walked with Gayle at the church. I was suppose to walk for 30 min, but ended up walking for 40. Donnie brought the wheel over and we ran it around the large loop and the small loop. The large loop is 1343 feet and the small loop is 880 feet. There is 5280 feet in one mile. This will help us when we are walking to know how far we have gone. We walked the big loop 3 times and the small loop 3 times.

In 40 minutes, we walked 6669 feet or 1.26 miles. Not that impressive. It will still take me close to an hour and a half to complete the 5K. It is a race, but I'm trying to focus on the fact that just doing it and finishing it will be an accomplishment. I'm just very scared that if I start I won't be able to finish. I'm tired of not finishing things. But I'm even more tired of not starting for the fear of not finishing. Am I making any sense? LOL!

I was watching Joyce Meyer's today and she was talking about Satan getting in our way. I feel like he is smack in the middle of my path with this 5K. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it, but I just want to scream at him to move over. So, this is my platform. Get behind me Satan! The Lord knows I'm leaning on Him at this point. He will hold me up and he's given me lots of great people to help me. Just got to keep the chin up and keep moving.

I did ok with the food today. Didn't track, but think I came in really close on points. My 3 month journal is full, so I'm trying to keep track in my head until Thurs. Might have to get a notebook. Did really well with the exercise. Plan for tomorrow is to walk 35 min and stay within 37 WW pts. Also, trying to get 6 glasses of water in a day.

Have Lady's Lunch Bunch tomorrow, pray I have the will to pick the right food and not the wonderful breadsticks at Caper's. LOL!!!!

Have a blessed day!
Jen

Weekend recap.

Sorry, I haven't posted all weekend, we have been very busy. I have had a wonderful time this weekend with family and friends. For a bonus, I've done really well with my food and exercise.

Friday: I worked all day, but at lunch went to the gym. I was only able to walk for 22 min on the treadmill before my knee was killing me. I was having shooting pains in my left knee. That scared me, but I was hoping it would be a one time deal. I came in at 32 pts for the day, and was very happy about that.

Saturday: I walked at the high school track with Annie for 30 minutes. It took me 25 mins to make a mile. I wasn't really happy about the time, but I was happy that my knee didn't start hurting until the end. I think the spongy track helped. Then we went to the school pool and did 45 min of water aerobics. That was FANTASTIC!!!! I had such a good time with Annie. I was feeling very blessed to have such a wonderful friend. Then I started thinking about the fact that I have SOOOO many wonderful friends who are helping me with my walking. Not to mention how supportive my family is, it's almost overwhelming how many blessings the Lord has given me! That night we went to Mom and Dad's for Haelix's b-day party. I had one small scope of ice cream and a small piece of cake. I still came in at 36 pts for the day!

Today: This is my rest day for the walking program. We went to church and Shay sang. She's our songbird! She did a great job! Mom, Dad, Kyah, and Haelix came to church to hear her. So, the day started out great. We had a carry-in after church that I just couldn't stay for. I felt too tempted by all that good food. So, we went shopping and spent 2 1/2 hrs in Wal-mart, Maurices, and The Shoe Show. lol! So, much for the resting. Done well with the eatting today too!

Tomorrow: Already have plans with Gayle to walk after work. So, it's looking good too! I just want to thank everyone that is supporting my on my journey! THANKS SO MUCH!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

Have a blessed day!
Jen

One of those days...

I don't have a weight update tonight. I was suppose to go to WW tonight, but I was in E'ville with my kids. Had to take Shay to the dr. to get a boot for her foot. They still don't think it is broke, just a REALLY bad sprain. The boot is helping her foot to feel better though! We didn't get back to Boonville until 6:00. The meeting was over by then. So, I was a little disappointed about that, but Shay was way more important.

Seth woke-up this morning with a very swollen eye. He has poisen ivy in his eye and all over his face! Poor guy, he looked like someone had just dotted his eye for him. lol! We got drops for that this evening too.

To top the day off, I got home from work and piano lessons around 1:00 this afternoon and the house was hot. Not a good sign when you have the A/C running. Still not sure what is going on with it, Kevin worked on it and couldn't get it to cool. Have the A/C guy coming in the morning. You know when it rains it pours, lol!

Sorry for the rant, I'm working up to something here. I'm definately an emotional eatter. We've had some extended family stuff going on and then with everything that has happened today, I was listening to the food talk to me. It's been a VERY hard food week. Anytime I'm stressed, happy, made or upset at all I turn to food. That is my out. I start thinking negative thoughts and thinking that the food will make me feel better. (it doesn't, but that is what i am thinking) Well, today when I got home and the A/C wasn't working I started eatting. Then when Kevin got up he called me on it. He wasn't mean about it, but he said you're starting to binge. It was like a lightbulb going off. I just stopped. I didn't get mad. I just stopped. Not to say that at another time I wouldn't get upset, because if I'm in the throws a binge HUGE binge I do get mad when he says something. But it was really nice to have him check me this time. I hadn't gotten too far and was still able to pull the reigns in. Thanks babe! Love you!

Tomorrow I'm back to walking and already have a date with Mary Beth for lunch time. Going to drink my water and track my food.

Have a blessed day!

Jen

Last band concert....

Shay's last band concert was tonight. They did soooo well! I was so proud of her. I'm very glad that she stayed with band, she has so many good friends and good memories over the last 6 yrs. (including jr high) She is a very talented girl! Just wanted you to know how proud I am of you! Love you, Shay!

This year is so full of first and lasts! Shay's high school career is soon to be over, but her adult life is only beginning. I kind of feel the same way about my weight loss. This is the last year I will ever be in the 300's and I'm very ready for my life to begin. I've been in a holding pattern watching life pass me by. Under all of this weight there is a very adventurous person. I'm ready to live that life. I'm ready to start having people want to be like me, instead of me wanting to be like other people.

I went for a walk with Gayle today and she was telling me how proud she was of me. I was really confused by this, because in my eyes I haven't done anything worth feeling pride yet. She continued to say that she could not walk as far as I do if she had another person on her back. I am carrying another person with me ALL the time, but I'm trying to shed that person. That is something to be proud about. Thanks Gayle for the inspiration today!

As for my goals, I walked 26 mins today, but didn't do a very good job tracking my food. I'm going to work on that tomorrow. I, also, have a walking date with Lisa tomorrow. So, tomorrow is looking on track. Well, I need to go work on my bible study.

Have a great day!

Jen

Food, it's a love/hate relationship

We can't live without eatting, and most food tastes really good. I just wish that I had that normal, "OK you are done for a while" voice. For the last two days all I have thought about is the food I shouldn't have. Doughnuts, candy bars, chips, etc, etc. It is enough to drive a person to distraction.

I imagine this is how drug addicts feel about there drug of choice. They love the way it feels when they are getting their fix, but then hate themselves for wanting and NEEDING it so badly. That is how I feel about food. When I'm on the hunt for exactly what I'm craving or in the middle of eatting the delicious food I'm high, but then shortly after (and sometimes during) I hate the fact that I let myself binge. I have to eat to live, but I don't. I LIVE TO EAT!!!!!

Case and point, I've been fighting this thing for two days, then this evening I just gave in. I eat the rest of the Baked Doritoes and the last piece of Angel Food cake. I know, this wasn't a full on binge, but I still just couldn't control it. I just hope some day that I will get past this and be able to have a normal relationship with food! lol!

I haven't walked in two days, but will be back on track tomorrow. My daughter fell and sprained her ankle very badly, so that kind of put a damper on my plans for today. Hope you are up and feeling better soon, Shay!

Plan for tomorrow is: Start over with journaling my food, get a 26 min walk in, and see Andrea (my behavioural therapist). Should be a great day!

God Bless,
Jen

1 MILE!!!!

Since I last blogged I've lost another 4.6 pounds! I was sooo happy, that brings the grand total to 51 pounds. I have a before pic at 372 I need to post and I'm going to put the same outfit back on a take another pic to post. I'm interested to see if you can tell a difference yet. Lisa told me today that she is able to tell a difference, that made my day! Thanks, Lis!

Today I hit another big mile stone. I walked a mile in 19 MINUTES!!!!! I've been so worried about how long this 5k was going to take and I was really happy with my time today. I actually walked for 26 minutes with Shay. We have a wonderful spot to walk at Lincoln Boyhood and the weather was great.

I love walking with Shay. She is a great person. I know that a lot of teens don't want to spend time with their parents and when they do they are completely quiet. But not my Shay, she shares things with me that most kids wouldn't with their parents. She is a much better teen then I was. LOL!!! But it is true. We have found a good balance between parent and friend. I am the parent and she respects that, but because I respect her she will come to me as a friend. Not to say that we haven't bucked heads or that I'm not the bain of her existance at times. But all in all, the teen years haven't been bad and I'm going to miss her like crazy next fall! Love you ShayShay!!!

Hope you all are having a wonderful Sat!
Jen

It's a family thing...

Let me start this post by saying the I have a wonderful family. A fanastic, hard working husband, 2 awesome kids, wonderful parents, siblings and in-laws. I am a truely blessed individual. God has smiled on me.

Tonight was Shay's senior band banquet, Kevin pulled himself out of bed after only 6 hrs of sleep to come, (he is working 12 hr shifts all week 10pm-10am) what a great dad! Mom and Dad both came, also. We had Fazoli's for supper, and I did a lot better than I thought I would. I offered to get my dad's dessert and Shay jumped up and said that she would get it so I wouldn't be tempted! What a great girl!

So, back to the title of this post. My life is very wrapped up in my family and I'm glad, but there are family traits that I wish I didn't have. Dad read "The Beast" post and told me tonight that he understood completely. I figured he did, but to hear him say it was something different. I see the beast in Seth and it scares me. This is one family thing that I don't want to pass on to him. I know that I have taught Seth some bad eatting habit, but I believe to the core of my being that some of this is genetic. We have some kind of addiction gene. I don't see it in Shay, but I do with Seth. I got many great traits from my father that I have passed on to my son, but I'm hoping to stomp this one into the mud.

I did really well on my points today. I only used 29 out of 37 pts. I was really worried about supper, lol! I got a 24 min walk in and then did 30 crunches this evening.

Have a blessed day!

Jen

An inspiration!

We had a great, slow weekend. We didn't go anywhere, but church for 2 whole days. That is amazing for us. Alicia, Tim, and Dalton came over Sat night and we all played Clue, (Kevin won, of course) we had a great time. I took a nap BOTH days. I never take naps. Guess I was trying to find some of that sleep I lost last week. lol!!!

Today has been a really good day, at moments. I went to the gym at lunch. When I say gym, I mean the room with gym equipment in our community center. We are rural, we don't have a big gym within 20 miles of us. But it's nice and I was the only one there, even better! I wanted to walk for 24 mins, but just after 10 mins I was done. My legs were screaming. I was walking at a 2.8. (which is fast for me). Then I worked with the free weights and rode the bike for another 10 mins. I got a really good workout, but I was very upset about the walking. I'm suppose to walk a 5K on June 12th. I was thinking, how in the world am I going to make it 3.1 miles when today I couldn't even make it 11 mins??? This, of course, was one of the low moments of the day. I was really upset about it.

Then I came home and started watching last weeks Biggest Loser. They were doing a 5K. Most of the walkers/runners made it in under 1 hr. So, I'm sitting there still thinking there is no way I'm going to be able to walk a 5K. Then, the day started to turn around. One of the walkers hadn't made it to the finish line yet. This poor woman was having such a hard time that her daughter was walking in front of her and she was holding onto her daughters shoulders for support, but she never quit!!! She said that she uses the scooter at Wal-mart, because she can't even walk long enough to get her groceries! By now I was crying. If this courageous woman can walk a 5K, so can I! She finished the race, it took her over 2 hrs, but she finished. I will finish too! I don't care if I'm the last one to cross the line. Thank you Lord for helping me break through my fears!!!!

Food wise I've done really well today. I'm in at 31 points and I earned 5 pts for the exercise. My plan for tomorrow is to go back to the gym and try again. Tomorrow night is the band banquet at the high school, and then Wed is the Mother/Daughter Banquet at church. Lots of food!!! Wish me luck!!

Have a great day!
Jen

The Beast

This was a very hard day, I had every thought in the book about binging. I fought it hard, because I knew I would have to get on here tonight and write about my day. I didn't want to say that I had given in to the beast. That is what my addiction feels like, A BEAST!!! It consumes my very thought at times. I know that people over eat at times, but the way I overeat isn't normal. When I start to binge it doesn't stop for days or sometimes weeks. I have gained up to 8 pounds in a week before. That is not normal overeatting. It is something that I have to overcome. Food is my drug of choice and when I'm on a binge, getting food feels like a fix. But today, at least, I was able to keep the beast at bay, and I think it had a lot to do with this blog.

I really think blogging is going to help. I'm not saying it is going to be easy, but I am determined to keep myself and this blog honest about what I am eatting and exercising. So, unless I want to get on here and blog that I have overeatten or that I choice not to exercise. I have to get off my butt and do what will make me healthy!

Right now I'm at 26 points for the day, it's not quite bedtime yet, but I am going to stay within my points for the day. I, also, got my walking in. I walked, by myself, for 24 mins this evening. I have to tell you that the walking alone sucks! I hurt all over before it was even half done. The music wasn't enough to distract me from the time and the pain. I do a lot better when I walk with Kevin, the kids, or friends. But I did persevere. I walked on the path in our woods, I won't be able to do that anymore. My shoes were covered in ticks by the time I was done. So, I'm going to have to either walk at the church, Lincoln Boyhood, or Yellig park. lol!

Tomorrow's goals are to stay within my 37 points and walk for 24 min. They are calling for rain here tomorrow, so I'm going to have to walk the treadmill, ugh! Wish me luck! LOL!!!

Hope you have a wonderful day!
Jen

33 hours and counting down...hopefully!

As of this moment, I have been up for 33 hrs. But I'm very happy to say that I am wearing down. I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open to finish my post. But I'm dedicated to blogging all of this journey.


It, actually, has been a really good day. I had my picnic and walk with Mary Beth, Gayle, Lisa and our little helpers, Hadley, Xia, Sadie and Katie. I was a great time. We had wonderful fellowship while we ate (I had a 3 inch ham and cheese sub with lettuce and a bag of baked lays from Subway), while we walked our 22 mins, and while we finished tacking a quilt for the church picnic. It was a much needed time for me today. I hope all of you have wonderful friends to lean on! It makes life a lot easier.


This evening at Weight Watchers, I weighed in at 326 pounds. That is a loss of 4 pounds for a grand total of 46 pounds!!!!! I was very happy with this. I'm hoping that the steriods will not mess with my weight loss for next week. Weight Watchers is a fantastic plan, I can't say enough good about it. The key, of course, is following the plan. That is where I get in trouble sometimes. If I track my points and follow the exercise plan I'm going to lose weight. That is the tall and short of it.


Another great thing that happened this week is my son, Seth, lost 3 1/2 pounds. He is 10 yrs old and weighs 155 pounds. He is about 4 ft 10 inchs tall. (I asked his permission before posting his weight) He was soooo proud of himself. He is a very, very, very picky eater and food has been a struggle. All we have done differently this week is, move more and eat less. He is not on a diet, we are cutting back on some of the snacking and trying to eat better food. But you could just see his face glowing when he saw that he had accomplished this, because we are actually just trying to maintain his current weight.
I'm going to sign off for tonight. The goal for tomorrow is to journal my food, stay within my 37 points and walk 24 minutes. Have a blessed night!

Sleepless in Lamar....

I'm setting at my computer at 8:36 am and wishing I was asleep. I have been up for roughly 26 hrs now. I wish I could say it was for some big cause, but it's not. I had a root canal yesterday and they prescribed me steriods for inflamation. I feel like that kid on "Talladaga Nights" all jacked up on Mountain Dew! Well, it would have to be Diet Mountain Dew for me, lol!

To update you on my progress, I did very well Tuesday with my points and with the walking. Kevin, Shay, & I walked at the city park in Boonville and Seth played basketball. It was a very nice walk and I made the whole 22 min without stopping!!! I was very proud of myself. Yesterday, I stayed within my points, but didn't get the walking in. The root canal put a kink in my plans. I was a little sore, but not too bad. Everything was going really well, UNTIL! I hate that word, but anyhow, there isn't much to do at 2:00 in the morning except watch tv and eat. I fought the urge for well over an hour before I gave in. I'm not proud that I let my addiction win out, but I am proud that I didn't go into a complete binge. I ate peanut butter and jelly first, and later had oyster crackers. I'm not keeping chips in the house and it was the only crunchy, salty item I could find. So, I did end-up blowing my points, but I'm not going to let that get me down. I'm back on point this morning. I have a wonderful plan for exercise today and I'm tracking my points again, as of 6:00 this morning.

Let me tell you my plan for today. I'm very blessed to have a very good, core group of friends that are my prayer girls! Lisa, Mary Beth, Gayle, and Judy. We meet every Wednesday night for group. We have bible study, share our thoughts, problems, funny stories, and pray together. Right now we are doing a Beth Moore Bible Study - A Woman's Heart:Gods Resting Place (an amazing study, if you haven't done one of Beth's studies you should) and we have added Nancy, Jeanne, and Benita to this group. Last night one of my prayer requests was for my walking program. I have been struggling with it. Don't get me wrong, I'm doing it, but it isn't fun. So, Gayle and Mary Beth offered to walk with me today and be my support. So, we are meeting at the church's shelter house for a picnic lunch at noon and then walking my 22 min. Lisa may be joining us, also. I'm so excited to be walking with them. I love these ladies so much! I feel like God has given me a team to help me through this difficult time. Kevin, Shay, Seth, Gayle, Mary Beth, and Lisa! WOW!!! Now you can see how blessed I am. Thank you, Jesus! With support like this how can I fail!

Hope you have a great day, I'll post later with my weigh-in for the week and let you know how the walking went. God Bless!

The Beginning....

Well, hello! I'm a little nervous about starting this blog. I know it sounds funny, but I want to make sure I do it right. LOL! Something else I guess I struggle with. Let me tell you about me. I'm 37 yrs old, happily married to Kevin for the last 18 yrs, mother of Shay-18, and Seth-10. We live in a very rural area, but stay very busy with church, school, friends, and extended family. I tend to put everyone before myself, as I'm sure most moms do. But the real reason for this blog is that I weigh 330 pounds! I know!!!! I am trying to make changes to my life that have been very hard. I think that blogging about my feelings and my plan might help. I'm currently in Weight Watchers, training for a 5K in June, and seeing a Cognitive Behavioral Theripist. I have lost a total of 42 pounds at the moment, but I have completely run out of steam in the weight loss department. So, I'm hoping this will keep my on task.

My goal for today is to stay in my 37 point range and to walk my 22 mins. I'll let you know how it goes!