Monday, April 11, 2011

Hardest thing I've ever done!!!

Well, I'm back again. Last time I was on here I tried to write things that would be interesting to the people who read it. I, of course, put waaayyy too much pressure on myself and then just quit completely. This time I'm writing for me. I want to document how hard this is, and try to put my journey into words that mean something to me.

I quit smoking in Oct of 1998, I thought that was the hardest thing I ever did. WRONG!!! This beast has such a hold on me that I don't know if I will ever be able to shake it, but I'm not giving up. There are days, weeks, months, even years that I've let the beast win. But I've decided to put up a fight. I've proven that I can QUIT something, now I need to prove that I can control something.

You can't quit eating you have to have control of your eating. That is where I struggle. I am an all or nothing person. I'm either on track or so out of control that there is no turning back. I don't have any control when it comes to food. I truly believe that if I didn't have an overeating disorder that I would have the other end of the spectrum when it comes to food issues. I know that sounds crazy, especially since I weigh 343 pounds. But I believe this to the soul of my body. I feel that I truly have an eating disorder. That being said I don't feel that gives me the right to weight almost 400 pounds!

My goal this week is to track my food. Be aware of what I'm putting in my mouth. I have an appt Thursday with a new therapist. I really hope that this one can help me. I quit going to my last one, because I felt like I was listening more to her talk then she was listening to me. I knew all about her faith, family, home schooling her kids. Which would be fine if I weren't paying her! lol! She was very nice, I just wasn't getting anything out of it. So, on to a new behavioural therapist.

We didn't make it to the gym today. Goal for tomorrow: Track all my food and get in some exercise!!!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Short post...

Just a quick note to say, "I stayed on track!" I've used 33 of my 37 pts! I didn't get all 8 glasses of water in, but I did get 5. I'm not a good water drinker. It's something I'm working on.

I, also, FINALLY did the 10 min Biggest Loser workout. When I started the tape I thought that I might do it twice, because it is only 10 min. WOW! What a workout. I was sweating like a pig by the end of the 10 min. I only did it once, but I was very proud of the fact that I made it completely through the workout without quitting. Seth did the workout too! I was sooo proud of him.
My plan for tomorrow is to stay within my 37 pts, drink 8 glasses of water, and get some form of exercise in. I'm going yardsaling with my mom and the kids in the morning, so I should get a lot of walking in. If it isn't too hot we may go walk at City Lake.

Have a blessed day!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Back with a vengance....

I've really been pushing myself this week. At lease, when it comes to exercise. I've done really well with my food the last two days. I've exercised everyday this week, so far. Monday - I did an hour of water aerobics, Tuesday - I did an hour of water aerobics at 1:00 and again at 7:00, Wednesday - I did an hour of Zumba, and tonight I did an hour of water aerobics. Needless to say, I'm exhausted, but in a good way.

The water aerobics are fantastic. If you haven't tried them you should. It is great low impact cardio work. But when you get out of the pool you can tell you have worked every muscle in your body. Not sure how, but you do work up a sweat, even in a cold pool. lol! Hoping to be able to continue with the water aerobics throughout the winter at the local high school. We should find out this week.

Zumba was AMAZING! That is all I keep saying about it. I sweated my butt off! lol! It was hard, but fun. You are doing Latin dancing. It's fast and your hour is up in no time. I'm hoping to find a class that I can attend on a regular basis. The Wednesday night class won't work in a few weeks. We have bible study on Wed at 7:00 and I'm the leader. Soooo, I probably need to be there. lol!

I'm just really amazed that I'm feeling so strong. I've really upped the exercise game and I'm liking it. I want to exercise, and I'm seeking out ways to do it. If I had a pool at my house I would be doing water aerobics twice a day every day! I have FINALLY found a exercise that I love! And it is helping me find more ways to enjoy exercise.

My goal for tomorrow is to stay within my 37 pts, drink 8 glasses of water, and find some form of exercise.

Have a blessed day!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Scary day!!!

This post has nothing to do with weight lose, it has to do with being grateful. I got a call around 12:30 today letting me know that my husbands work was on FIRE! I'm very glad to say that Kevin is a night shift worker, he works from 10 pm to 6 am. This morning he had to work a 12 hr shift so he didn't get off until 10 am. The fire didn't start until 11:30 am. So, I knew he was home and safe. But it makes you really think about how quickly life can change. It only takes a split second for your life to completely change. We are very lucky that he got to go back to work tonight. I'm not sure of the details yet, but it was a very big fire and the Tell City fire dept are still at the plant making sure that it doesn't reignite. No one was killed or hurt and they are already making iron again. Thank you Lord for watching over all of the men/women at the plant this morning! Here's a pic from the local news:

So, take a minute today and just be thankful for everything you have. Hug your loved ones and thank God for all the blessings He has given you! I know that I am!

Have a blessed day!


Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Quick post

Just a quick post to let you know what is going on. We have been hard at work getting Seth's 4-H projects done. I helped him with his photography and fine arts (drawing) projects, Kevin helped him with his wildlife and small engines projects, and Grandpa Jack (my dad) helped him with his woodworking project. To answer your question, yes, I'm crazy to let him do that many things. But all I can say is, that is me. I do everything big! lol! Unfortunately, that includes food. But we are almost done. He and Kevin just have to get one more thing done tomorrow. Of course, we turn in the projects at 5:00 tomorrow night.

We have fair from Thurs-Tues. We are at the fair grounds every day with things to do. Friday, June 25th, Seth turns 11. Shay will be home Tues, June 29th. Hopefully, after that things will SLOW down! I sure hope, I'm ready to enjoy the summer. Please, keep Shay in your prayers, she is still in Paris tomorrow, and then heads to Switzerland. Praying she is having a wonderful, SAFE time!
Have a blessed day!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Cleaning house...

I have been soooo busy! Shay is leaving for Germany, France, and the Alps for 9 days tomorrow. Seth went to the Respect the Law camp at USI last Thurs, Fri, and Sat. We are, also, working like mad people to get his 4-H projects done by next Thurs. lol! Nothing like waiting til the last minute. I feel like we have been on a whirlwind of events and obligation since the 3rd week of May. But, hopefully, things are going to start slowing back down.

We wanted Shay to get her room COMPLETELY clean before she left. (which if any of you have an 18 yr old with a messy room you now what an undertaking that has been) We pulled everything out of the closet and has went through an purged a LOT of stuff. It has really gotten me in the mood to completely clean house. I'm planning on going through my room and Seth's room this week. I've already started in my living room. I'm ready to have a clutter free life, and that means all of it. I'm ready to get everything in order.

I'm ready to purge myself of everything that is holding me back. So, I'm making a new plan. This plan includes getting rid of anything just lying around collecting dust, paying off bills, getting work done on the house, making a menu, and making an exercise plan. I just want to be more organized. I've made a vow with myself that I'm going to tackle all of this. I can't expect to lose weight and maintain it if the rest of my life is in disarray. Kevin and I are setting down tomorrow night to discuss all of this and make a reasonable plan. I'll let you know how it goes.

I've done really well on the exercise plan this last week. Wednesday I went to the gym, Thurs I worked in the yard with my dear friend Annie for 3 hrs and then did water aerobics for an hour. Friday I worked in the house cleaning, moving furniture, and really got my heart rate up. Yesterday and today I haven't had time to exercise. My plan for tomorrow is to get some walking in and maybe the Biggest Loser workout. (i still haven't done that yet)

Plan for tomorrow: stay within my 37 WW pts, drink 8 glasses of water, walk, exercise, and make a plan with Kevin. A side note: I, also, have to take Shay to the Louisville airport (sending my firstborn to France sniff, sniff) and take Seth to 4-H at 6:00. So, it will be another busy day! lol! But what would life be if it was slow and boring.

Also, I hope you all are as blessed as I am to have a great dad to spend Father's Day with. We took him out to eat after church this morning. It was great spending time with him and mom. I'm very blessed to have the parents that I have. I'm doubly blessed to have a wonderful husband that is a fantastic dad! Love you Kevin and Dad! Thanks for everything you do!

Have a blessed day!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Focusing on how far I've come...

I've done really well today. I had my meeting with Andrea this morning and it went really well. I told her I would love to have her say "This is why you are fat and you need to do this to fix it". I know that isn't reality, but boy would that help! lol! She tried to get me to see how far I've come and she is right. I've been able to back off on some of my medicines, they've lowered the pressure on my sleep apnea machine, and the biggest is that my level of pain from being over-weight has gone down. That is the biggest one for me. I like that I can do lots more walking before it hurts. The first thought isn't how far will I have to walk anymore, which is a huge step forward. I'm going to try and focus on that and not on the fact that I'm not perfect with my eating all the time.

I got to have lunch with a great friend today at the Patio and then went to Evansville with Mom, Shay and Seth. So, I've had a full day of family and friends. You can't ask for much more than that. Annie and I are weight loss buddies, so lunch was a breeze. I wasn't tempted to cheat at all. I love having great supportive friends. Another friend, Pauline, showed up and the three of us made a plan for water aerobics on Thursday nights. So, that will be three water aerobic session a week! :) It's a butt kicker, but makes you feel wonderful!

My food for the day went like this:
Breakfast - Peanut Butter Sandwich - 3 pts
Lunch - Salad - 3 pts
Chicken Breast - 6 pts
Baked Potato with butter - 4 pts
Supper - Burger King Jr. Whopper w/cheese (no mayo) - 8 pts
Small Fry - 5 pts.
Snacks - Popcorn - 2 pts
100 Cal Cookies - 2 pts.
Grand Total - 33 pts of 37 pts used!

So, I'm 4 pts under today, which is great! Didn't get any exercise in, so, no extra pts earned. As you can see, my nutrition leaves a lot to be desired. That isn't what I'm focusing on at the moment. It's a future goal, but right now I just want to stay on course with my points.

My plan for tomorrow is: stay within the 37 pts, drink 8 glasses of water, and exercise at the gym during lunch.

Have a blessed day!