Monday, May 24, 2010

Will this ever get any easier?????

UGH!!!! That is all I have to say about food today. I have been fighting the beast all day. I have been very stressed, not always in the best mood, and Saturday realized that you can never go home again. (more on that in a moment) Of course, my way of dealing with anything is to eat. That beast starts whispering in my ear about how good eatting will make me feel. I fought it off ALMOST all day. I even did well at the choir banquet tonight, then I got home and Shay's candy bars were staring me in the face. I completely caved and it turned into an all out binge. I eat FIVE candy bars, how awful and gross is that!!!! The worst part is that while I was eatting them I felt complete relief. It makes me want to cry. I now feel sick that I let the beast take over, but I can't take it back. I have an appt with Andrea (my congenitive behaviourial therapist) tomorrow, and hopefully she will be able to help. I don't know what else to do.

Back to the "you can never go home" comment. We went to two graduation parties this last weekend in our old hometown and it was very strange. These were our very close friends and it wasn't comfortable. We are all different now and conversation felt very forced. I was glad to see everyone, but it was sad to see that we didn't have much to talk about anymore. Kind of broke my heart. I already knew that I was very happy living in Lamar, but this last weekend just strengthened my love for the place.

Ok, to some happy notes. Today was Shay's Senior Choir Banquet. She received several awards. (I'll try and post a pic tomorrow) But the best award she received tonight was Outstanding Musician. We are soooo proud of her!!! She sang her Senior Solo and just about brought the house down! She did a wonderful job! Love you Shay!

So, my plan for tomorrow is to see Andrea, stay within my 37 pts, and walk at the mall with Kevin. It has almost gotten too hot to walk outside.

Have a blessed day!


  1. It's great that you get to see a behavioral therapist. I always wondered how they help. I'm sure you'll get back on track. All of us stumble in this journey. Good luck!

  2. Hi, Jenny! First I have to say congrats on your weight loss thus far. The difference in your then and now pics is amazing! If you had a moment of weakness, you should just look at those photos and revel for a moment in how far you have come! That has to feel good- forget the momentary indiscretion!

    I am striking out on my own weight loss journey to lose 120 lbs. I started a week and a half ago at 271 lbs. I find it a real challenge to resist the tasty temptations that my family keeps. Unfortunately I am not allowed to proclaim, "My kitchen, my rules," so it is a constant struggle! But I think this blogging thing is finally giving me the support I need to be successful! I hope we can build each other up as we knock off those pounds!

  3. Good for you going to see Andrea tomorrow! Move past the candy bars, thats done and over. Tomorrow get up and start a brand new day! walk! drink your water! Stay in your points! You can do it!

  4. Thanks! All your comments help soooo much. I haven't had time to blog, but I'll be back either this evening or tomorrow! I'm so lucky to have so much support!

  5. Jenny, hang in there girl! This is a crazy few weeks for you with your baby growing up into adulthood and graduating. Stressful doesn't even touch it! You will be a wallow of tears by the end of the weekend I'm sure! Try to put all your focus on Shay and off anything to do with candy bars! Sometimes though chocolate helps and everyone will have a day where chocolate is a must for sure! Get you some of those small dove chocolates and just give yourself one for a treat every once in a while. It's not about restricting yourself from everything but controlling the BEAST (I like to call him Satan)! I know he will work on you to give up but I know that you are a believer and that you can fight off this temptation and move past it! You go girl - just look at those two pictures 50 pounds apart - AMAZING!!!! You are my hero! Stick it out and keep up the walking! Don't kick yourself over the candy bars - tomorrow is a new day and God will be shining brightly on you!
    Love Ya, Elisa

  6. Jenny! YES! 200 pounds for your second act is so wonderful and inspiring! YES! you can do it!! I want to be with you every pound of the way!!!
    whoo hoo! Thank you for your comment this morning! Thank you
    for the compliment!
    Have a pretty day!